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I learned that for me to feel much better about my free time it would require more effort to achieve balance.

That balance was in learning to manage time better. It required boundaries and non-negotiables put in place so I could lose the irritation and angry outbursts that were stemmed from the guilt I felt for not following through on my needs and of the things that I knew would come to bear fruit.

It was like realizing why my plants kept dying, I kept not watering them! Growth required watering consistently. Every time I skipped on it, I was killing it.