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It showed in how I lived throughout the years because being physically incoherent (drunk every weekend) or physically in pain was more bearable to me than sitting with the darkness that came from the grief that type of sadness brought me. I would find myself in trouble often due to being so reckless and getting drunk.

I sympathize with others who feel that. I don’t think there is one person on the planet who deserves to feel it. To feel deep wounds in your heart that begin to kill all the beautiful things that your spirit carries and to watch yourself go from vibrant, lively to the walking dead (lifeless) is hard and exhausting and not the way we are meant to live life.