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It was not only the type of man I was choosing but it was also the reasons I chose that type of man.

The funny thing about serial dating is that if you’re not healed or whole all by yourself being with others will only make you feel more alone than actually being alone does. The fear of being alone was always much bigger in my head. 

The fear was highlighted by moments when I was alone and my thoughts would get to be too much and I wanted to find a quick distraction to avoid feeling like that. That feeling stemmed from avoiding something, to begin with. 

I thought that by dating I was giving myself a chance to be open to love. I thought that giving guys a chance and putting myself out there meant I was being open to the idea of loving again and when it didn’t work out, I would blame them.

After dating for a while, I started to notice a pattern. One that I only had myself to blame for. It was not only the type of man I was choosing but it was also the reasons I chose that type of man.